Beginning Again

Thich Nhat Hanh has quite a bit written on this topic, beginning again. If memory serves me, he uses it in reference to relationships, to forgiving others, setting aside the past, and beginning again. It's about being open, loving, available. We need some of this as we approach our art work also. We need to take the time to set aside our failures, burning them if we need to, and start again, to rediscover our path, to recover what it was about art that brought us to it in the first place.

Today I am looking out my window at the grey sky, some intermittent streaks of snow, and the brown/gray/olive drab/ocher vegetation that stretches across the swamp outside my window. I love brown, wet landscapes, fuzzy indistinct masses, things that are half seen and obscured by distance and a lattice of branches. I don't know why. My task today is to find out why, by sketching in oil this thing that I love, to do a simple sketch, not a grandiose operatic scale mural, just a small sketch of honest reaction to what is there. I'm thinking that tomorrow, I will begin again and do another. I will remember how to work the paint, how to mix the colors, how to set up the gear. It is, in many ways, a dry run for working outside in the “great out of doors”, this set up. In the process, I found a 140ml tube of titanium white I had forgotten I had and realized my French easel did not have paintbrushes in it. It took me 40 minutes to figure out how the palette extension attached. But here I am, beginning again, trying to remember why I am an artist, what it was that fascinated me, captured me, about paint, and to forgive myself for my failings, for not being everything I want to be, for betraying the very thing I love by not spending yet more time at it for little or no reward and forgiving the world for not knowing that I am here and giving me my due.

Unfinished Boats on a Dock
What a hot mess! This is based on a previous painting of a more moderate size - 16" x 20" (or smaller, I don't remember) and I re-created it bigger. Much bigger. I don't know if I regret it yet, or not. Obviously it's not done, yet though you can see that there are some areas more complete than others. I wanted to add a gender element into the picture, so there is a "pink" boat snuggled up next to the other boat. It's kind of an obvious ploy, but it may be that if you lock in on the realism, you may initially miss the color coding in the choices. We accept realism, we absorb what is presented in an innocent way, sans the second guessing of design elements. It is what it is.

This is tomorrows project - scanning this is at the proper resolution/quality and uploading it to Fine Art America. I really like this picture, if I do say so myself. I stumble upon it now and again in the archives of my studio and it always surprises me. I look at it and say, "Wow. I'm good." I need to frame it and hang it on the wall where I can see it everyday to remind me that I am a good, competent artist and to keep at it.

I've been cleaning out the studio to make room for other equipment. I've quite an inventory of work, so I'm going through, sorting and re-working certain pieces. It's a mini-retrospective. Sometimes I look at a piece and say, "Why the heck did I frame that old thing!"

In other areas - I've gotten some very positive feedback lately. Thank you all! I am ashamed to say that it helps keep me going. Why? Because otherwise the work you do is something that you leave for future generations, and you never get to receive from that future time. In a perfect world (my critical inner voice is butting in) you should be doing the work for the sake of the work itself. End of story. I'm not convinced the human brain/mind/spirit works that way (I'm feeling some self-justification coming on). There are so many subtle (and not so subtle!) influences on the way we spend our time, talents, money, etc. If there weren't, Madison Avenue would be out of business. I turned off the TV the other morning. I was looking for news and the "shaping" affect of the advertisements and the sheer number of them was overwhelming. Do I want that stuff permeating my psyche? Don't think so, not that I'm in the "off the grid" camp. It's all about balance. So, yes, I appreciate positive input, for better or for worse, and it helps encourage me to work more. Thank you all, again!

I have been busy on the business end of my art life and getting distracted by quilting projects. Yeah, quilting. Its my dirty little secret. I feel like I'm betraying my mission on earth when I quilt, but I do love it. The color play! So addictive. I will just have to find a balance of one more piece of my life.

I am now on Fine Art America. You can buy prints of some of my work. I have been slowly scanning (small scanner! See below.) paintings into my laptop in sections and then Photoshopping them together. It is a long arduous process involving propping things up on books and stools. I just finished scanning "Muscle Shells" in which is 36" x 52" and requires 30 individual scans. My next step is the "knitting" step where I erase and soften those edges. I found it particularly difficult to keep the work square with itself so each piece isn't tilting just a tiny bit. I also find it useful to do this on a cloudy day. Nothing like a bright blast of sunshine right on the scanner to skew the color balance.

Spent the weekend struggling with photoshop and signing up for online print services. You will soon be able to get prints of my art work at an affordable price. But first I have to scan the pieces in, in sections because my scanner is the size of cereal box and then "stitch" them together. That's the part that's proving difficult. It's a learning curve, figuring out how masks, clipping layers work. I'm disapointed in the delay, but staying positive. It's that or the day job!

Toggle City

I just figured out how to toggle back and forth between my personal Facebook which has a different name than mine and my Facebook, Victoria Haskell, the artist. Phew! This shouldn't have been this hard. Now to start "liking" things as me, the artist and get some positive marketing vibe going.

Four days left to my vaca week. I'm excited about doing some painting again. I have some new ideas to work out. I usually just rough things out and go for it, but I think I want to do some drawings first this time, work out the masses, the lights and darks, the aura of the piece a bit ahead of time. I also want to eliminate some pitfalls and errors before I start painting. The problem with a planned approach is that it can end up feeling like a straight jacket, like paint by number forced labor. Can't have that. We'll see how I make out.